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Middari of Ayonae Ro
Wednesday, April 6, 2005
Mending Fences
Mood:  special
A friend said to me that, "Trust takes years to build and seconds to break." ~ Dontaious - Fellowship of Dragons ~ Woot Doni your in my blog hehe.)

A little over a year ago I was sitting at my desk watching guild after guild make it to Po Time and get all this gear that was uber and just showing up every other player in the game. There is a commandment in the bible that states... Thou shall not covet thy neighbors goods. But I was coveting big time my ego and selfishness took over my thoughts and I made a decision that would forever change my EQ life.
I used to be a member of Fellowship of Dragons on the Ayonae Ro server, I joined them November of 2003 and they were the first real guild I had ever been in. I started playing EQ in 2002 (all my brother's fault that I am addicted to it.) and at the time I joined FoD I knew absolutely nothing about PoP or really any big raid mobs for that matter except for some Luclin and old world planes. That very night I was tagged in FoD I went to my first PoP raid in Crypt of Decay and I had a blast. Here was a guild full of people who were kind and fun to hang with and I will never forget all the "Welcomes" I got. FoD took me places I only dreamed of going and we had so much along the way.
Until one day another guild member and I attended a Bertoxxulous raid with some open raiders and we beat it, now at the time FoD had not beaten Bertoxx and I went an hailed the Planar Progression. Sitting here today thinking about that raid I had 2 choices a.) Hail the PP and get the flag. (Which I did.) or b.) Not hail the PP and wait to take it down with my guild family. At the time option b never entered my mind and I truly believe that was the beginning of my selfish ego. Radical (the FoD raid leader) said to me "Why did you go on that raid knowing we haven't done that mob yet?" I didn't know really what to say because once he said that, I started thinking why in the hell did I just do that? The answer wasn't clear to me then but I did it again. It was afternoon I didn't have any classes and Landslide had just killed Rallos Zek which was yet another mob we were working hard on to take down and they invited me into the raid and down in the pit I went to get the flag. I knew what I was doing when I hailed that mob and the rest of the day was praying that Radical would not find out. But he did and from that day on I began to look for another guild higher then FoD, figuring I got RZ any guild would take me now. So I told a lie on the guild message boards but my actual intentions were to join another guild. A mistake!
I sit here today thinking why didn't I just stick it out with FoD of at least told them the truth? Because I wanted the brass ring so bad I could taste it. I repeated this pattern again but this time I left Final Destiny for Sphere of Transcendence which was a dying guild at the time but I didn't know it. Well sure enough about 3 months later SoT broke up and we all went our separate ways I went to Turul Legion at that point. I had to leave TL because I was beginning new classes at school and they took up my mornings when TL would be raiding, I tried to re-join FD but they wouldn't take me back (I don't blame them.) so like a coward I ran away from my problems on Ayonae Ro and from the problems I made there. Now I am back I was a recruit in Landslide but I have a giant new campaign to work on that for the next three months I will be working everyday from probably 7am to 7pm which means I can't do the euro times again.
This post is getting way to damn long don't ya think?!!?

The date is February 17th the time is almost noon it was a cool morning in Arizona. My grandmother and I are watching The Price is Right she is in bed attached to all her I.Vs, I am sitting in the chair next to her bed. She is as usual beating me at guessing the prices when all of a sudden her hand became some what limp. I turn to look at her and she gives me this big smile, I tried to ask her what was wrong but she spoke first. She looked at me and said, "I am ready." I knew exactly what she meant my grandmother told me she was not afraid to die because she knew where she was going, she knew that in heaven she would walk among the angels. When she shut her eyes I knew heaven was calling for her.) Her last weeks here will always be special to me I watched this women fight and fight with everything she had to keep going.
My grandmother saw the good in my heart that I could not see she believed in me when many did not. She taught me that no matter what you have done in this lifetime you still have time to fix what you have broken.
~ Thank you grand mom for showing me who I truly could be and who I truly wanted to be. I love you! ~

I re-applied to FoD a few days ago and began to try mending some broken fences there is no excuse for what I did to them, but I wanted to offer my deepest apologizes to each and every member of FoD. =)

OMG you mean the post is over?
Love and Hugz - Middari

Posted by middari64 at 5:37 PM EDT
Updated: Thursday, April 7, 2005 12:29 PM EDT
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